Old Wounds
by Azurite
Summary: One of my "older" SM fics (considering I rarely write SM anymore, REALLY OLD) about memories haunting one's soul...


Title: Old Wounds  
Season: R... Part 2 (usual)  
By: Azurite  
Email: azurite_moon@yahoo.com  
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon and Co. ain't mine.   
'Nuff said.   
Notes: I actually thought this up while walking  
home yesterday (4/3) and I'm wondering... will  
people like this enough to make it into a  
multi-parter(uh-oh)?  
Dedicates: Trowa, who I can't stop thinking  
about ^_~  
------------------------------------------------  
HEY!! Out of the past three or so weeks, I  
have read/remembered the following fantastic  
fics. PLEASE... read 'em, review 'em and  
write to the author to either beg for  
a sequel, the last part, the epilogue, or  
just to keep up the great work!  
-Fire: Lois Fogg  
-Blind Intentions: Moondreams16  
-The Joy: Jlala  
-Strangers on a Train: Sailor Elysia  
-The Will of Heaven (and any of her OTHER fics...)  
Meredith Bronwen Mallory  
-Fatal Exposure: Meara  
-Butterfly Lovers: Blue Ice  
-Dead Inside: Shell Presto  
-Sailor Moon Meets the Backstreet Boys: Sailor Backstreet  
  
And the list goes on...  
  
Oh yeah, "blah" are spoken words, 'blah' are  
thought words, regular blah is either writing  
or poetry, and *blah* is sort of like a song  
I made up.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Old wounds  
reopen  
and there's nothing  
we can do  
to stop them  
to close them  
  
*I thought I could forgive*  
*Thought I could forget*  
*Guess I was wrong*  
  
Usagi remembered... his cold steel eyes, unseeing. They may  
have glinted light once, just for a second, but they blacked  
again before she could truly see it. He stood above her,   
unwavering as a rod in a hurricane. A steel rod, planted  
firmly in the depths of the ground never shaken.   
Standing above her, weilding a sharp, deadly blade,   
with her fate inscribed on the double edge. He planned  
to obey his queen's orders, and to kill her.   
  
*I thought I would forget*  
*Thought I would be forgiven*  
*Guess I was wrong*  
  
Mamoru remembered seeing, but not as if they were his  
eyes he were looking through. Rather, it was like watching  
a movie from the main character's point of view. You knew  
his thoughts and actions, but could do nothing about  
them. They carried on by themselves. And inside Endymion,   
Mamoru was terrified. He hardly remembered "waking up",  
but when he did, he knew he was about to kill his one  
true love. The same girl that called him Mamoru-baka  
every morning, who inadvertantly had haunted his dreams  
for his entire life, and who added sunshine to his   
dark and gloomy days... was practically begging for her  
life on the floor below him. The sword he held felt  
heavy, and gleamed brightly. He dimly heard the witch queen  
behind him bark out an order to destroy her, but the two  
conflicting parts of his soul could not take motor control,   
and he couldn't move. How could he kill Usako?  
  
*Thought... maybe I'd have a second chance*  
*Thought this wouldn't be that eternal song and dance*  
*Guess I was wrong*  
  
Even after Usagi had found her way past the blackness, into  
that part of Endymion where Mamoru resided, where he  
wanted to call her Odango, and where he wanted to tell her  
about how he really felt... Beryl destroyed that. In any case,   
it was over -for both of them- soon enough. As soon as Endymion  
died, Beryl vanished. Left without sense, only purpose, Usagi   
-Sailor Moon- walked from the Artic Caves and towards her own  
death. After Metallia was defeated, Usagi wished upon her   
crystal. For a second chance, if not for her, then for   
her beloved, and all her friends. Give them a second chance  
at life, love... give them hope.   
Because of the pureness of her wish, the Ginzuishou granted  
it to her as well. But it also had side-effects. When it was  
necessary for HER to remember again, no one else did.   
Mamoru didn't even remember her enough to call her Odango  
Atama.   
  
*Knew I had a second chance*  
*But I was lost in a trance*  
*Couldn't see - Couldn't think*  
  
Mamoru felt incredibly stupid. The moment he awoke, and found  
himself in Sailor Moon's arms, her azure eyes telling him  
everything, despite what his logical mind insisted on,   
he knew. He knew about his past, as Mamoru-baka and  
his past as Endymion, Crown Prince of Earth. It didn't  
take Tsukikage no Knight rushing back into him to let him  
remember their love.   
He only felt stupid because he hadn't seen it until then.   
Many months had passed since Sailor Moon had reappeared on  
the scene, defeating the two strange alien attacks that  
occurred every couple of days. And since then, Usagi had  
acted different around him. Not much... but there was   
something in her eyes. A sparkle, that closely resembled tears,  
and only after the fact did Mamoru realize that they were,   
indeed tears. She was crying, for reasons unknown. And the  
minute he awoke, in her arms, feeling safe and loved like  
he never had before, he knew her reason. She had cried because  
of him. For him. And it hurt to know HE was the cause of her  
pain. It hurt even more that he couldn't have expressed his  
feelings all pent up inside all that time before then, so he  
could be the one to kiss away her tears. Never had he felt so  
stupid.   
  
*Thought I could forgive*  
*Thought I could forget*  
*I might have forgot how*  
*Along the way*  
  
Usagi knew that it had been so long since then, so   
why bother thinking about it? As Luna so often loved to   
point out, dwelling on the past lead to disaster. And 9  
times out of 10, it did. So Usagi tried not to. Tried not  
to see that silver blade, tried not to see it millimeters  
from her face, ready to slice her into sashimi. She tried  
not to see the depthless, black eyes that had once shimmered  
with amusement every time Mamoru teased her about her hair,   
grades, poise (or lack thereof) and so on. She tried, and   
no one can blame her for trying... and failing. But the dreams  
haunted her every night, and she couldn't help wonder what  
if it happened again?  
  
*I can't forget*  
*I know she won't forgive*  
*Mine as well give up*  
*It's not like I can live*  
*Without her*  
  
Mamoru saw how withdrawn she had become. To the outside eyes  
that didn't know any better, such as Motoki, their getting  
together as a couple at last looked like a Godsend. Motoki,   
Reika, Unazuki, Umino and Naru were ecstatic about their  
enemity gone love, and showed their friends' significant  
others off whenever possible. Naru gushed to Yumi and Kari  
about Usagi's "college man", while Motoki and Reika bragged  
that Mamoru had snagged Juuban's most desired girl and  
was now, officially taken himself. Umino made sure the  
entire PTA knew, which was dangerous to Mamoru's health,   
as Kenji Tsukino was on Juuban JH's PTA. Unazuki made sure  
all the girls at T.A. Girls knew, including the Mamoru-fan  
club (Rei was ex-president). The news spread like wildfire,   
and the two were as popular as teen idols.   
But it didn't change their relationship. Usagi doubted him,  
he knew. Something had changed her, and he knew eactly what.   
She thought about that last battle a lot too. The  
last battle with Beryl and Metallia, and how he had almost  
struck her down. The fact that he remembered it made him  
believe that if he had, in fact, killed her, he would have  
done it of his own free will. He was after all, conscious   
enough to realize it. But was she, too, having nightmares,   
repeating each night, of that horrific event?   
  
*Who needs to be forgiven?*  
*Who has the right to forget?*  
*Why do I keep moving on?*  
*When my Destiny is already set?*  
  
Usagi smiled at Mamoru wanly, knowing he was staring at her   
with burning intensity. Whatever for? was what she wanted to  
know. They were alone, for once, and she thanked the kamis  
for that, It was a beautiful sunny day... or at least, it had  
been. The sun was setting, and the two of them had just finished  
a delicious hand-made lunch in the park, courtesy of Mako-chan.   
Mamoru reached into the basket, and Usagi turned away,   
facing the sunset. These "dates" of theirs were awfully uneventful,   
and Usagi wondered if perhaps, her gut feeling was right when it  
said that Mamoru didn't love her for her, but for Serenity, the  
princess who was his constant in dreams, his lifeline to past  
and present, and his light in his lonely existence. With that  
thought in mind, a tear formed in her eye that she couldn't hold  
back.   
Before she knew what was happening, Mamoru was in front of  
her, holding her small face in his hands. His eyes searched hers,   
and found that doubt. Usagi was afraid, afraid that he'd know,   
and realize, and affirm her greatest fears.   
Instead of saying anything, he simply closed his eyes and  
kissed her cheeks. Where each tear fell, planted a soft kiss,   
and Usagi found her eyes dry the second she realized how good  
his kisses felt, warm and soft, and how she longed for more.   
He barely pulled away, his eyes open in a half-daze.  
He then proceeded to kiss her face entirely, gently grazing over  
her lips simply to tease her. Usagi was frozen in his embrace,   
couldn't move, couldn't think.   
Then finally, his lips touched hers, ever so softly.  
Her eyes never closed, and were wide open while his were  
closed gently, his long lashes brushing against her poreclain  
skin.   
'This is my first kiss...'   
His eyes slowly opened, and before Usagi knew what she was doing,   
she raised her hands from the ground and pulled his face back  
to hers, the millimeters he had pulled away covered in split  
seconds.  
His mouth was still on hers, his face registered shock  
at her sudden move, and this time, it was her eyes locked  
closed. She pushed her body against him and kissed him with  
the full passion of her desire, and behind the couple,   
the sun set like a fire dying in the sky.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Old wounds  
reopen  
Yes, it's true  
but  
old wounds  
heal  
eventually  
  
The sun was set. Their breathing was almost labored, but  
quiet. They were still entwined in each other's arms, long after   
the last ray of light had shone its way over the horizon and past.   
Usagi didn't quite know what to say. How could she possibly  
SPEAK, after what happened? It was her first kiss, it was...  
'The BEST kiss... not that I have anything to compare it to.'  
Usagi smiled, resting her head softly on Mamoru's broad shoulder.   
His skin smelled like roses and musk, his breath like cinnamon,   
and his hair like the ocean itself. He was a wonderful combination  
of scents... of senses! and he was all hers.   
Mamoru could hardly believe what had just happened. He might  
have started spouting off apologies, but that kiss... was so intense,   
so wonderful, that it pulled at his heart strings, which, in turn,   
prevented his mouth from opening -that is, opening and speaking.   
He didn't want to look like a landed fish. In the long run, he   
was stupefied. Sure, he'd kissed girls and been kissed before,   
but 1) not for a LOOONNNG time, and 2) NEVER like that. That kiss...  
*her* kiss was...  
'Indescribable.'   
But through both of their thoughts that dared to challenge their  
senses and perceptions, one thought remained. That thought was doubt.   
Mamoru doubted Usagi could truly love him after what he had nearly  
done to her, and Usagi doubted that Mamoru truly loved her, not  
Serenity, and she wasn't basing it on that intense kiss.  
"Usa-"  
"Mamo-"  
Neither had quite finished the other's full name, or the name of  
endearment each had longed to call the other by for so long. They  
didn't laugh, they just looked down. Who should speak? What would  
they say, and how would it affect the other? Neither knew.   
Usagi suddenly found her hands dreadfully interesting,   
but they were becoming hard to see, as her eyes were watering again.   
She bit her lip and tried to hold them back. She wouldn't MIND  
getting all her tears kissed away again, having him kiss her like  
that... but...   
Usagi knew it was now or never, and that if she waited any more,   
her heart would continue to break until it was nothing.   
"Mamo-chan, I want to know if you really love me."   
Usagi stared at him hardly, and not until she scanned his face, saw his  
glittering eyes moving like the ocean on a windy day, did she realize  
exactly what she had said.   
"Yes... I do..." Mamoru started, shifting again to be in an   
embrace with her. Then he leaned diliberately close to her ear and  
whispered oh-so-softly, "...Usako..."  
Usagi flushed hotly, and he felt it as he rested his chin on  
her neck. Then he bent his neck slightly, so he was able to kiss her  
neck, with extreme slowness that threatened to send Usagi over the  
edge of her emotions. Like a plank on a pirate ship, she was   
dangerously close to the edge.   
His kisses were slow, and deliberately so, just to tease her.  
But they soon became more than kisses, more than teasing. They  
increased in ardorness, and fast became slight nibbles on her delicate  
skin. Usagi's eyes flew open at this sensation, driven to clutching at  
his shirt and digging into his back with his nails.   
It seemed as though his pain only furthered his desire to   
be with her, and he kissed her deeply on her mouth, sending her  
emotions flying, her senses reeling, and pushing her to the ground  
physically.   
Again, when they parted, their breathing was labored, but  
this time quickened. Her tight grip on him had not loosened, but  
he hardly noticed the prickling sensation of her nails clawing  
into his back.   
He squinched his eyes shut and inhaled deeply.   
"Usako, gomen ne." Usagi's lax state was broken. What the  
devil was he apologizing for? Surely...   
'But he just SAID he loved you. What could he be apologizing   
for??'  
"Gomenasai for teasing you all those months, for hurting your  
feelings like that. Gomen ne for... for..." The scene where he  
nearly killed her, and yet could do nothing about it, replayed itself  
before his eyes again. It didn't matter that he had saved her from  
Ail and Ann, when THEY were about to kill her. He would have done  
that anyway, any time, any place, any reason. Whether or not  
Tsukikage no Knight had stirred those memories in him, whether  
or not the long-legged Sailor Moon made him think...   
"Mamo-chan..." Usagi breathed, not moving. Then she pulled  
away from his warm embrace, and shivered at the loss. She stared  
at him straight in his eyes, looked searchingly for an answer.   
Finding none, she breathed softly. "For what?"   
His mouth was dry. What if, perhaps, she hadn't been doubting  
his love because of that, and at the mention of it, she would  
remember and hate him? How could she not?   
"For..." Usagi grinned to herself, rather blithely. She  
knew what he was thinking of. Not the princess, not after that  
kiss. It confirmed itself in her mind over and over as she  
remembered it, with more vivid emotion and intent each time.   
"For trying to kill me?" Usagi whispered simply, but eerily,   
so that it had an undesired effect. He immediately withdrew from her,   
and she wasn't surprised about that. But she was surprised that   
Mamoru was openly crying, and still managed to attain that cold,   
dark look.   
"Usako, you know..."   
"Of course I know... the dreams, I couldn't stop..."   
"I never meant to..."   
"I know..."   
A silence passed, the length indeterminable.   
"Mamoru, you really are a baka. But I love YOU anyways."   
Usagi had never called him without a term of endearment or  
respect. Or *disrespect*, in the case of 'baka'.   
It had always been Odango Atama, Tsukino-san, Usagi-san, Usagi-chan, for Mamoru, and always Chiba-sama, Chiba-san, Mamoru-san,   
Mamoru-baka for her...  
And the way she had pronounced his name, like the way one  
would hold a feshly bloomed rose, and enunciated 'YOU' like  
she meant it for all eternity...   
"I love you too." Mamoru whispered, not a hint of uncertainty  
in his voice. But just to reassure the both of them, he added,   
"You, Tsukino Usagi 'Odango Atama'. You, and no one else."  
Mamoru smiled as he welcomed Usagi back into his upright embrace,   
and kissed her powerfully, the stars peeking out from under the  
velvet blue sky as their lips touched.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
******************************************************************  
^Fin^  
  
Sequel/Spinoff material?  
Email me azurite_moon@yahoo.com 


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